When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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