I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
