Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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