i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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