We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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