When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
