Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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