miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
