If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
