the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
