Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
