They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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