sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
