smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can Purell be used as lube?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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