you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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