his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
