I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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