your thong is hanging out like whoa
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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