i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
