I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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