And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
