hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
