She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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