Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Congratulations! We have a period
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
tell me about the eggs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
