Me too!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
