Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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