i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
