You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
