you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
