lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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