yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
