Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
