When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
