Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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