TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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