I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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