third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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