Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
