Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
