it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
