What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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