I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
