everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
