i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
