Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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