sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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