I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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