Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
