I cannot find my penis.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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