The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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