Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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