i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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