that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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